I hate coffee.

Let me qualify that statement. When I say “I hate coffee”, I am not talking about the legalized stimulant drug that comes in liquid form. (Although, I am opposed to that, as well.) No, what I mean when I say “I hate coffee” is this: I hate coffee as an accessory. I hate to see people from the idiot Hollywood starlet (read: Lindsay Lohan, Olsen Twins, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton) to the wannabe posers who emulate them (people who don’t have a lot of money, but want everyone to think that they do AND would be upset if they heard you comparing them to the above starlets) who can’t function without a Mocha Latte Double Tall Swirly Frosted Bavarian Cappucino Swiss Miss Lite in one hand. It’s sickening. I hate accessories as a whole. You wanna know why these starlets are always getting into wrecks? I’ll tell you. ACCESSORIES. It’s hard to drive a car when you have a coffee in one hand, a genetically altered mutant miniature animal formerly known as dog in the other, and your cell phone rings. You try texting while all that is going on. And you know what? They look stupid carrying all that stuff. You know the arms bent at the elbow, hands splayed out like a dyslexic trying to walk like an Egyptian, and sunglasses that would make Harry Carey proud. And they call that fashion. They look like heroin addicts. Is that why they wear the big sunglasses? Anyway, it’s a real shame how Starbucks has used an addiction causing chemical in a cup to create the latest in ridiculous things. And how much do these cost? You cant spell lame without L.A.